Frog Blog

just ordered an ipod online. can't wait to start downloading. got in engraved!

i'm still trying to get used to the nuances of this blog. apparently i posted the same entry twice.

so the ipod was shipped from shanghai today-- dontcha hate waiting for online orders? it's agony. at least i don't have to try on the ipod, unlike the bikini bottoms from jcrew.com that didn't fit... that's what i get from ordering a bathing suit online, i suppose (though i'm pretty sure it has more to do with the recent size inflation stores have been doing for about a year-- it's all vanity sizing now. someone may think, holy crap, this is a size 6 and i'm usually a size 22-- i'm gonna buy it!)

there is so much to do before i go, most of which costs money: new comfy walking shoes, new glasses, new ipod, etc. it's still not even dawning on me that i'm really going-- so far it's like i've been on a big, guilt-free shopping spree.

nothing like a rainy day in the middle of the summer to make you have a good think. it's why i love portland so much. it was pouring when i walked to the bus stop, pouring when i got my tea, drizzling at the max stop at work. i'm wearing my boots for the first time in months. hell, i'm wearing a jacket for the first time in months.

slowly, other assistants in my school district are writing each other. it's so exciting! i think i'm the oldest one in the group by about five years. most of the assistants i've contacted have just graduated from college. at least they'll have energy.

yay, it came today! can't wait to attack the manual.

i'm on a borrowed dial-up internet source. makes me realize how much i depend on cable to get me to where i'm going fast on the computer. this dial-up shit is so archaic.

not to mention it's about 100 degrees in portland today. it's the kind of day where you wish you knew someone with a pool or a dock in the river.

i'm loving how the ipod is wicked intuitive and self-explanitory. have yet to download anything, though-- have to get over to dad's where the computer is. sometimes i like how i don't have a computer at home as i am on one all day at work. other times i feel like i should get with the 21st century already.

some thoughts on this blog: it's weird writing. i'm used to writing personal correspondance to particular people who will get the inside jokes or references. it's a lot different writing this general thing. maybe it will feel different once i have a little more to say (like when i'm in france).

i make the announcement tomorrow at work. wheeee!

broke the news today at work. it went over like a lead balloon. just kidding. i said the first part in french: j'ai accepte un boulot en France. then i said the rest in english because of everyone's confused faces. one girl understood what i said because she's fluent in french. one woman was totally pissed at me because i hadn't told her earlier. mostly it was anticlimatic, but good nonetheless.

it's one of those jobs that will be hard to leave for these reasons:

1. i work with great, funny people who don't think twice about making a run to dairy queen on a hot day.

2. the schedule is wonderful-- no work on mondays, 7.5 hours the rest of the days.

3. free newspaper reading, access to internet.

4. pay and benefits.

here's why i'm not as sad to leave: i haven't been challenged in years.

there's something to be said about enjoying life with an easy breezy job, showing up, doing some time and then going home to do what i want. i exercise very little brain power but get paid very well.

on the other hand, i know there is more to life than money and, well, this. if i stay, i know i will slowly become a bitter, cynical, empty comsumer, buying stupid shit to fill the void. no thanks. give me less $ and a french skyline anyday.

my headache is finally subsiding. i've been trying to eat healthier and blah blah blah, but i devoured a york peppermint patty just now and it was GOOD.

money is zapping my soul today. i hope the amount i'll be able to bring with me is enough. god, i know it won't help worrying about it but i want to be able to live comfortably.

a girl just approached me from a different department at work-- she did the same french program last year as i am doing this fall. she told me the amount she took with her-- i hope to bring a little more--and she said she was able to get by-- not extravagantly, but enough to travel some. some? god, i want to travel every weekend!

i'm faced with so many unknowns, which is making this both fun and stressy. i keep having to remind myself to just go with it and see where this river takes me. but i've turned into a luxurygirl- i like treats and new things and fluffy things like lipgloss. but maybe it will be good for me to live more frugally before my luxuries go from $15 lipglosses to $300 blouses.

i've given up on the friday the 13th bad luck day thing, mostly because my days of bad luck never seem to fall on friday the 13th but rather on tuesday the 17th, or saturday the 21st or any other day. dad and b. and i were talking about old wives' tales last night-- like, should you sleep with the fan on or with the window open all night? they think that's hogwash, but they run hot. i can't stand having a draft on me all night, but if it's super hot, as it has been lately, god, turn up the fan (at least until it cools off).

i've been corresponding with this guy from my district who did the program in 2000. i'm glad to be making connections. he seems pretty fun from his emails, but it's always a crap shoot-- you can only hope someone is as cool as they write, but there's this possiblity they could be a mega dweebie and not someone you'd ever hang out with normally.

i suppose it's the same traveling, too. i met some odd people when i was in europe the first time-- people i could never picture hanging out with back home. but they were bearable because i knew after about 24 hours i'd never have to see them again. it's intersting-- i was able to overlook things in them that annoyed me and essentially use what i needed from said person. i guess the plus side was that i met a bunch of interesting, different people, which is always a good thing. it's funny how we always gravitate to the same.

but i also figured out that people are mostly the same no matter what. everyone is just trying to figure it out and not stand out too much while doing that.

i wish i could have some magic words to erase my doubt and fear. i am feeling particularly sad today about leaving. even with all my gear-- ipod, camera, phone, etc., i'm still going to be alone in france. alone with gear, yes, but alone nonetheless. everyone always says that if things are meant to be they're meant to be, that it's always scary, that no one likes change, etc. i know all this but there are times the "clatu barata nictoe" of all that doesn't seem to help.

things i still have to do:

-write a letter to my school (ugh)
-find some sensible yet fashionable shoes that will match my pants and allow me to walk comfortably
-maybe? get a second pair of glasses, preferably something funky
-book a hotel in paris, then reims
-get my hair cut
-write in my journal so as not to forget all this.

it's not as hot today, which is a nice break. not that i'm all excited for winter to come, but the heat gets old after a while. at least here we don't have the mugginess like the east coast. when people complain at how sticky it is outside, i say, go spend a summer in maine, then talk to me about sticky. dad and i both agree that we'd rather travel/walk/exercise in the pouring rain than shluff it in the hot, hot sun.

by the way, contrary to some response (mainly from "pops"), i am not totally freaking out about going. i just have moments of freak out, which is entirely different from a general everyday state of freak out. i think this is allowed. people are more like cats than dogs-- most of us do not like change and get all confused and flustered when change is upon us. consider it a hiss, not a hissy fit.

i think that's the name of a band. it's so true-- listening to the ipod today was like: i'm crossing the street, cue street crossing music. it's hard not to break out and dance in the crosswalk sometimes, geeky as that is. i'm not living in the movie "fame" but it feels like it when aerosmith comes on.

random thing that bugs me: having dry hands, esp. while typing. i can feel how thirsty they are. the only lotion that really works for me is cetaphil cream.

something i love: brown sugar. it's god's gift.

i ordered some new shoes on the internet-- www.zappos.com. they're really great-- the shoes and the website. the shoes are ecco-- very sleek and comfortable. zappos offers free shipping and free return shipping if the shoes don't fit. one more thing to check off the list.

my ipod (i really loathe that word) did a random thing on shuffle today-- it kept shuffling the same four artists: al stewart, willie nelson, the ventures and franz ferdinand. it was strange. oh, some kinks songs showed up, too, which went well with franz ferdinand, those scottish rockers.

i'm trying to decide whether to hang around in paris when i first fly in or go straight to reims. paris... what can i say? a fabulous city, but so busy and crazy, esp. if i'm lugging my luggage everywhere. it'd be cool if i knew someone who would let me store my bags at their place; this might happen-- next week i'm getting coffee with someone who has a sister in paris. if that doesn't work out, i think i'm heading to gar de l'est, then reims. maybe paris over the next weekend.

how cool is it that this is my biggest decision right now? i feel so lucky that i'm going. so many people (mostly my aunties with kids) tell me that i should do this sort of thing while i can. so i am. thank god. i gotta do something.

i sat next to a guy on the bus last night who was reading a book with that title. it made me giggle.

had great dinner with brian, nancy, erica, micah and dad last night, followed by drinks at paddy's. good to get out on a friday night. it seems summer is back-- it's still coolish out, but it's stopped raining and is supposed to hit 80 today. it's beginning to smell like fall out, which is always bittersweet.

i think i'm in denial about this trip-- it's not sept. yet so i'm not leaving yet, right?

at dad's now, converting into mp3s.