Frog Blog

the reality of my life right now is this: i go to bed and wake up alone. it is entirely up to me to take care of myself; feed myself, get exercise, communicate as best i can with the french, drink enough water, be prepared for class, make sure i have on my raincoat when the clouds turn grey. and i really want to make as many friends as possible.

and i'm making up for lost time. i don't know what happened; in high school and college i had bunches of friends and we'd go out all the time. post college, i lost touch, dropped out, didn't meet very many people, became cynical and annoyed, didn't want to talk about work with my work friends, didn't know where i fit.

now, here, i have this unique opportunity. if faced with the decision to go out or stay home, i'd rather go out. this is 180 degrees different from before i left; i hardly ever went out. but when faced with a night alone in my tiny apt. or a night carousing with new pals, i'll take the carousing.

i've been wondering (with all this time on my hands) what my mission is here. i have a near-perfect set up: free rent, suitable apt., great school, friendly and helpful teachers, lots of other assistants my age in the town. i don't want to blow it by thinking too much or by staying home, nor by partying every single night until 5 or 6 am. i want to teach a few of these kids some english and have some fun.

bottom line: i just really, really want to be true to myself and figure out where i fit in. i feel like i've spent too much time trying to make myself fit where i just don't.