Frog Blog

i've always had this dream-- a goal, really-- of living simply, with very few things, just the basics. how much does one person need? this is hard for me. i'm a consumer, i'll admit it. there is always something i want, something i have my eye on, something that looks interesting, some new product i've read about. perhaps this means i'm not clinically depressed-- so i got that going for me. i'm also a bit of an impulse shopper, usually to a good end. sometimes i see the most perfect whatever and have to have it and do end up using it. but mostly i just accumulate things-- the act of buying and having something new and shiny is such a nice feeling that i keep repeating and repeating it.

this constant consuming always comes to a head when i'm about to move. what's funny is that as much as i love accumulating, i also love hoeing shit out of my space, getting rid of stuff, when in doubt: throw it out, that sort of thing. not in a wasteful way-- i always donate used clothing to charity, only throw out stuff that is no longer useful or cannot be recycled or is rotting, and if it still is useful, i try to find someone who could use it. sometimes, though, i wonder if i enjoy hoeing things out so much because it just means making more space for new stuff-- thus the cycle begins all over again.

here in france i don't have much-- i didn't bring too much to begin with but i have accumulated a fair share of STUFF. most of it is useful, like sweaters and socks and gloves and hats-- things i realized soon after winter began that i needed. but what about the books? christ. yes, i needed them-- i felt starved for something in english to read during this long cold boring winter, but now what? i think i may donate some of them to the local library. but at the same time i am very attached to my books-- it's the one thing i allow myself to become attached to (well, also lipgloss and tea, but who's counting?).

i'm nearly mad at myself for my accumulation. it was all about comfort. surrounding myself with comfortable things, building up my comfort zone in a foreign land when i spend a lot of time alone-- i'm mad at myself... and not at the same time. we all have to have a certain amount of comfort-- it's just the amount that i'm trying to work on. and yikes! it's expensive to ship home.