Frog Blog

i’ve been thinking more seriously about exercise. i don’t get enough. i’ve been blessed with a naturally slim body but have noticed that the older i get, the more work it takes to maintain. things are starting to settle and sag and i’ve developed a serious love affair with cheese and salami.

usually i don’t actually notice until i’m in a dressing room. trying on clothes in front of a three-way mirror at nordstrom is a notoriously painful thing to for any woman. nordstrom rooms are the worst: terrible overhead lighting, mirrors that not only show you in a side view but also allow you to view yourself completely from behind. last week i got a good look at every paunch and dimple and sag and thought, ok, i’m walking to and from work from now on. (actually, i thought, fuck! when did my ass start sagging?)

i love walking, the faster the better. it’s the most efficient way i’ve found to clear out my head, work out my aggressions, blow off steam. and at this point, it’s my only form of exercise. give me an ipod and a cool, cloudy day and i’m out. i never understood the whole “runner’s high” thing until recently. i think i get it now. it takes me about 20 minutes into a heavy walk to get over feeling the fatigue and start feeling my second wind. what a great feeling! new order and gorillaz usually play a part in this, upping my pace, propelling me forward. i feel like i could walk to idaho and back. i’m this close to jogging. i’m hoping to ease into it. i’ve got the shoes and the drive (and finally, a sports bra; something i’ve dreaded because now, there are no excuses).

i walked everywhere in france. the bus was slow and didn’t run frequently enough to warrant a ride. hauling two giant bags of groceries 3/4 of a mile home from Champion was a great workout. i lost about 10 pounds. but it was good and bad: i felt like i was in shape and kicking ass but at the same time i don’t think i was fueling myself properly. B’s cooking is a lifesaver for me. getting two squares a day here (not counting breakfast) is a blessing: especially considering the shitty food eater that i am when i’m cooking for myself (unfortunately, i’m more of a ramen, french toast, eggs, frozen food type of gal). but now i need to find a balance— fuel goes in, energy has to come out.

my biggest hurdle in this endeavor is myself. i have a serious lack of motivation— and not just for exercise. if i’m being honest with myself, i have to admit i’m a B+ student of life. i usually only do what it takes to get by. doesn’t that totally suck? i mean, i can see a project through to the end, for sure, and am very organized and can prioritize. but, shit, i don’t know. i think it’s a lack of inertia. even writing— in this blog, in my journal, letters, book reviews— writing gives me such joy but finding the inertia to do so… it’s been hard. lately i’ve been wondering why? am i afraid to succeed? do i get bored too easily? have i lost all inspiration? what is my craft? what is my art? am i as cool as i think i am? how can i express myself truthfully? am i a “doer” or am i all talk? and so on and so forth.

i think i’m turning over a new leaf. a few things have helped: the weather is improving, i’ve met some new, super cool people recently, i’m trying to write in this blog more often, i wrote another review for the paper. i’m also getting bored with stagnation. i’ve taken a long, hard look at myself and realized it’s all up to me. i can whine about it or i can do something about it. i can talk or walk the walk. cue the motivational movie soundtrack.