Frog Blog

“dear diary,

what is wrong with me? ‘cause i’m fine between the lines … ” -travis

that about sums up how i’m feeling as of late. ambivalent. neither here nor there. my hair is falling out at a rapid pace. it’s this dandruff issue or whatever. my scalp is a mess and t-gel and nizoral are awful awful awful. they dry out my hair like crazy. everything is parched. my two massive cowlicks are the only things masking my growing bald spots. i’m going back to the dermatologist on wednesday and i am not using those shampoos between now and then.

we’re moving. it’s going to be fine. it’s just from one neighborhood to another, not even five minutes away. it’ll be a good change, a good excuse to purge my mass amounts of packratted shit stashes. we’ve already taken six bags to the goodwill. and by the way, i don’t write off those donations. partly because it’s far too much work, partly because none of that shit is worth anything, and lastly because donating that stuff isn’t really about me or putting more money in my pocket, it’s a donation. to a good cause. something for nothing in return. it’s a great service that they’re even taking my shit piles to begin with. that’s enough for me. anyway, the impending move and all its boxes and packing is looming over my head. will all of our shit fit in the new place? will the new place be too small for the two of us? etc., etc.

B wants me to celebrate his friend K’s birthday on saturday night and i totally don’t want to. i’m being completely selfish, too, i admit it. i’ve weasled out of many nights of hanging out for various reasons (namely i’m pretty sure K is an alcoholic) but i’m probably due for one sometime soon. i can tell B is annoyed with me about it.

i’ve been feeling so uninspired lately. it’s so darn cold. being outside is painful and … arid. january and february are the worst months. february has one up on january only because it’s two or three days shorter and there’s see’s chocolates midway through the month to tide me over until march.

i can’t figure out how to use my frequent flyer miles to get a ticket back to maine this summer. the online search told me nothing except that my city doesn’t go to portland, maine, but does go to boston. i’m not interested, even for a free ticket. purchasing a ticket, even this far in advance, will set me back about $500. what the … ? it’s no wonder i went to france last year. it only cost (at that time) about $300 more. hmmmmm…

everything felt so much more easy when i was younger. i had all kinds of aspirations and inspirations and dreams and summer vacations and goals. i’ve been trying to find them again. i’ve started reading about buddhism and it’s been helping. but enlightenment is slow going. should i take yoga? smoke some pot? buy more lipgloss or never buy lipgloss again? i don’t know. i think i’m just having an off night.

i’ve been inspired as of late to bake cookies. B has a kitchenaid, which is from heaven; making cookies is a real snap. two weeks ago i made snickerdoodles; last week i made chocolate cookies with white chips (both turned out well) and for my family dinner this weekend i think i’m going to bake brownies from scratch, using a recipe that my grandmother used years ago. i’m going to double the batch as the original is only for an 8x8 pan and there will be about 14 people at dinner.

nothing in particular is motivating me aside from winter blahs and a couple of neat design sites like this one and this one. up until this afternoon at 4 p.m., i looked at these sights longingly throughout the day if i had a spare moment; they always made me crave tea or scones or plush slippers and a good book. at 4 p.m. today, however, my employer decided to add all websites ending in “blogspot” or “typepad” to the official blocked internet list, deemed as not pertaining to work and therefore not to be viewed on the clock. whatever. it’s insanely annoying. i feel like i’m in eighth grade and just got caught with a comic book hidden in my math book. it’s a new policy, mostly to block sites that stream music and, ahem, porn (rumor has it a few people regularly watch porn at work), but it’s borderline censorship to me. i’m a little ADD at work and frequently have an innate need to look at / think about something other than work. like this site. anyway. please note my sanity beginning to degrade.

i went back to the dermo yesterday. she confirmed my hair loss issue and told me i indeed have a severe case of scalp craziness. i’m beginning a new round of shampoo/oil applications that will last 30 days. i’m trying to not pay attention to the side effect warnings on each bottle. ignorance is bliss, especially when it concerns my hair. i’ve always liked my hair. it’s my most defining feature and i’d like to hang onto it. to be continued …

on another random nesting note, i bought some malt-o-meal at the store tonight. i’ve never had it and it looks cozy. i’ve also never had cream of wheat; my aunties told me the non-instant kind is heavenly. what are your thoughts?