Frog Blog

“dear diary,

what is wrong with me? ‘cause i’m fine between the lines … ” -travis

that about sums up how i’m feeling as of late. ambivalent. neither here nor there. my hair is falling out at a rapid pace. it’s this dandruff issue or whatever. my scalp is a mess and t-gel and nizoral are awful awful awful. they dry out my hair like crazy. everything is parched. my two massive cowlicks are the only things masking my growing bald spots. i’m going back to the dermatologist on wednesday and i am not using those shampoos between now and then.

we’re moving. it’s going to be fine. it’s just from one neighborhood to another, not even five minutes away. it’ll be a good change, a good excuse to purge my mass amounts of packratted shit stashes. we’ve already taken six bags to the goodwill. and by the way, i don’t write off those donations. partly because it’s far too much work, partly because none of that shit is worth anything, and lastly because donating that stuff isn’t really about me or putting more money in my pocket, it’s a donation. to a good cause. something for nothing in return. it’s a great service that they’re even taking my shit piles to begin with. that’s enough for me. anyway, the impending move and all its boxes and packing is looming over my head. will all of our shit fit in the new place? will the new place be too small for the two of us? etc., etc.

B wants me to celebrate his friend K’s birthday on saturday night and i totally don’t want to. i’m being completely selfish, too, i admit it. i’ve weasled out of many nights of hanging out for various reasons (namely i’m pretty sure K is an alcoholic) but i’m probably due for one sometime soon. i can tell B is annoyed with me about it.

i’ve been feeling so uninspired lately. it’s so darn cold. being outside is painful and … arid. january and february are the worst months. february has one up on january only because it’s two or three days shorter and there’s see’s chocolates midway through the month to tide me over until march.

i can’t figure out how to use my frequent flyer miles to get a ticket back to maine this summer. the online search told me nothing except that my city doesn’t go to portland, maine, but does go to boston. i’m not interested, even for a free ticket. purchasing a ticket, even this far in advance, will set me back about $500. what the … ? it’s no wonder i went to france last year. it only cost (at that time) about $300 more. hmmmmm…

everything felt so much more easy when i was younger. i had all kinds of aspirations and inspirations and dreams and summer vacations and goals. i’ve been trying to find them again. i’ve started reading about buddhism and it’s been helping. but enlightenment is slow going. should i take yoga? smoke some pot? buy more lipgloss or never buy lipgloss again? i don’t know. i think i’m just having an off night.